In mid-September, 1985, I arrived at the Indian village of Puttaparti, between Bangalore and Hyderabad (but nearer Bangalore), Andhra Pradesh State. The village, in a rural area, is completely dominated by the Ashram and Educational Centre of the Indian spiritual teacher, Sathya Sai Baba.
I came on the village bus, a 6 hour trip from Bangalore. The hot and tiring trip was a good introduction to rural India. A few kilometres from Puttaparti, an arch over the road proclaimed 'The Kingdom of Sathya Sai'. As we came to the outskirts of the village, the landscape was no longer 'timeless rural India'; the road was flanked with modern buildings, some of striking design, decorated with large statues of Hindu gods. All were painted in pale cream, beige, pink and blue, reminding one of Wedgwood china. On a hill above the village was a massive, temple-like edifice, the University Administration building.
The bus pulled into a sandy, rubbish-strewn square. We were instantly surrounded by beggars and would be porters, rickshaw drivers. Across the road, behind a long wall, stood the Ashram I had come to visit. On our side of the wall, up and down from the bus station, rows and rows of little shops tried to invite, full of pictures, statues, cards and books by and about Sai Baba, as well as tailors, gift shops, mattress vendors and many others.
Along with many of the buses' occupants, following a porter who had nabbed me, I evaded bullock carts and the occasional motor vehicle. We made our way down the road, round a bend to the left, along a wall, past an ornate gateway, and through open metal gates into a concreted street which left the village road. There was a marked change of atmosphere, though the village noise and bustle could still be heard behind us. We were in the Ashram.
My friend and I found ourselves registering, and being allocated to a 'Hall'. The Ashram was huge; sandy streets, flanked by four storey concrete apartment blocks, a canteen and four even larger round apartment buildings - the 'Round Houses'. Beyond them again lay a tree-flanked, sandy square and a line of large sheds - the 'Halls' - ours already apparently filled by hundreds of women from many countries. They had created tiny cubicle homes from string and saris, giving each person a 'personal space.' Furniture consisted of a mattress on the floor or a rented bed - there was no room for anything else. Somehow we found a space amid the throng and set about setting up our own domicile. It was all very different and overwhelming, as was the heat.
In the afternoon, at about 3.30, we went for 'Darshan', the time Sai Baba came out of the ornate temple to the gathered crowds; men on the left forecourt, women on the right - strictly segregated.
On the women's side, the sandy floor of the forecourt was constantly swept by old ladies with beezum brushes, who kept it meticulously smooth. The forecourt itself was fringed by palm trees and a flagstone surround, where small, open-sided pergolas gave a semblance of shade. In the centre lay the ornate temple, the 'Mandir', a more-than-baroque structure covered in reliefs of gryphons, demons, gods and other designs, in the same colours as the rest of the Ashram. It was an inspiring scene.
In an outer courtyard, shaded by a huge tree with eagles perched in it, the women formed into lines of about 50. There were 15 or 16 lines. At a certain point, the front woman in each line drew a numbered token from a bag carried round by one of the numerous volunteer workers - 'Seva Dals'. The line lucky enough to get the token numbered 'one' went into the inner courtyard first, to get the places nearest to where Sai Baba would walk.
*****
As I approach Puttaparti for my seventh visit, in 1997, there are massive changes. Better roads for the numerous taxis and buses; an enormous and very impressive hospital a few kilometres from the village; an airport with an international length runway. Villas and apartments line the approach road. The bus stops at an asphalted, computerised bus terminal. On the hill over the village the Administration Building has been joined by another, the imposing Museum of Religions. Puttaparti village itself is an enormous building site, 5 and 6 storey blocks rising everywhere. New craft emporia and small restaurants tout custom.
Inside, the Ashram has more than doubled in size. Its sandy streets are asphalted and its spaces have become tropical gardens, courtyards, lawns. There are 3 large restaurants, one with European style food. The 'Halls' have been demolished, replaced by block after block of new apartments. But they have reappeared in a new, far flung section of the Ashram, now more than 10 minutes walk from the temple itself. A shopping complex caters for those who do not wish to leave the Ashram or haggle over prices.
The Mandir still exists, but its courtyards are covered by a huge hall where thousands can experience Sai Baba in shade and relative comfort. The brushed sand Sai Baba's feet trod in 1985 is now polished stone. The lines of waiting women have doubled in size and number. Many groups, their origin indicated by coloured scarves, indicate that the whole world now sends pilgrims to the Ashram.
I think of the Prasanthi Nilayam I first visited with some nostalgia, as others who were there in a previous decade think of the seventies. But the cause of all this activity and human effort, is the same - Sai Baba Himself.
He now lives in a corner of the great Poornachandra hall, a few steps away, instead of in the Mandir itself. Otherwise He comes, as He has done for 58 years, twice a day, to be with and bless the assembled crowds. This book records a few of Sai Baba's innumerable miracles that have affected me, but the greatest, beyond all others, is the 58 years of daily peace and patience that mark Sai Baba's physical contact with the ever-increasing throng of devotees and spiritual seekers. Twice a day, He comes slowly, dressed in a full length orange silk robe, passes round the waiting gathering. Sometimes He says a word or two, or, with a small circular wave of His right hand, manifests a holy ash called Vibhuti. As He passes, all attention is on Him; love passes from Him to those present - love, in the form of adoration, returns, generating a spiritual energy of extraordinary power.
He has done this for every one of those 58 years. The details of the setting round Him change and the crowds increase, but for Him, no holidays, no 'weekends off', no 'off days', no 'moods'. The same exchange of love occurs at every 'Darshan'.
This simple daily interaction defines everyone's visit to Sai Baba and gives the most tangible proof that He is a more-than-ordinary human being. Miracles can be argued over, contested, dissected. Behind them stands the ongoing, daily exchange of love. Two phrases of Sai Baba's stand out - 'Come, try Me!' and 'My life is My message'. From His loving constancy arise all the inner experiences described in this book, as an ocean gives rise to waves on its surface.
In a modern materialistic world, hurried, transient, the loving timelessness of the daily interactions at Prasanthi Nilayam indicate another way; ultimately a more real and genuinely human one.
People argue endlessly over the nature of Sai Baba. For some He is God incarnate; for others He is spiritual teacher; for others again, He is felt as a threat, or condemned as a charlatan. A Catholic priest has been excommunicated for his belief in Sai Baba's divinity. For every individual who comes into contact with Sai Baba, these arguments come up. As with every religious phenomenon, experience, grace and faith are involved in finding personal answers.
Underlying much theology is a proposition which separates Creator and created. God is one thing; humanity and the created world another. In these terms, it is really a contradiction to assert that God is on earth. Jesus Christ is 'God's Son'; Mohammed, 'God's Prophet'.
However, if 'God' is not a 'being' at all, but the essence underlying everything, the contradiction dissolves. And if that essence were to be love - the ultimate 'particle' - Sai Baba is, essentially, God, and divine; as is everyone and everything else. Sai Baba does not try to tell us that he is an incarnation of a separate Creator. Instead, He says He is a perfect, exemplary manifestation of something every single one of us also is - Divinity, the essence of being. He begins every public talk He gives by addressing the crowd, 'Embodiments of Love', making an identity between humanity and divinity. In a famous quotation, He has said, "I am God, You are God. The only difference between us is that I know it and you don't."
So, from Sai Baba's point of view, there is nothing special about claiming Divinity. Everyone and everything is Divine. The way we live and see things confuses us greatly about this ultimate truth; clearing those confusions away is the spiritual path, the ultimate rationale of existence. The unity, in actual experience, of consciousness and Love constitutes human self-realisation and provides non-transient happiness. Sai Baba embodies that state and is thus a model, an example, of something everyone of us actually is - but have obscured through our attachment to worldly things.
Sai Baba's existence is more than an abstract demonstration of being. It involves help and support to those willing to change consciousness. Daily darshan, already described, is the core act, the 'love factory' that uplifts all who come in contact with it. It is an example of how we ourselves must interact with others to find fulfilment. As well, there are special, individual acts of contact, Grace, which assist our consciousness to develop.
Occasionally, these involve materialisations. For some, Sai Baba creates small physical objects as tokens of love and connection. There are thousands of these materialisations in existence, treasured by followers. Many of them happen in a personal interaction on a physical level with Sai Baba - for instance, when He creates a ring, watch or necklace for a devotee in an interview. But many happen when He is not physically present, such as the appearance of holy 'Vibhuti' ash or other symbolic substance on a picture in someone's home. Because almost all of us think of the physical world as a place where things happen only in a defined cause and effect sequence, these manifestations are stunning and very precious. They may help to convince.
Other acts of Grace change the course of events from what they 'have to be', to allow continued survival or even removal of inconvenience. Earlier in His life, Sai Baba is reputed to have poured a can of water into the empty petrol tank of the car in which He was travelling; the car travelled happily to its destination. In many cases, He has averted certain accidents in ways inexplicable to those who accept a mechanistic universe. Planes have not fallen out of the sky when their engines have malfunctioned. Cars have not collided when on a head-on collision course, incurable diseases have been healed, dead people have returned to life. In such situations Sai Baba demonstrates omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotence, qualities we normally discount in ourselves.
And Sai Baba can be a present companion when He is 'not there' physically; a 'friend of grace', who can eliminate loneliness from our lives. This aspect of His support is particularly significant in an age of alienation and purposelessness, when we are highly individualised, concentrating on transient things, and people, even in the closest relationships, are confused by rapid and ongoing change. In such times, the personal presence and demonstrative friendship of Sai Baba can give direction, stability and companionship to existence. He is the 'Omni-partner'.
The experiences recounted in this book are special instances of this latter type. What a friend! What generosity! What spiritual gifts! Who could ask for more in life?
I was in my third year at the Findhorn Foundation in North East Scotland, an international, ecumenical, spiritual community founded in 1962 by Eileen and Peter Caddy and Dorothy MacLean. With a couple of hundred other members, I was 'developing' myself and caring for the thousands of guests who visit the community each year. I worked in and managed a large old house and 5 acre garden which had been donated to the Foundation. It had been lovingly restored on a shoestring budget.
In December of 1984, I heard of Sai Baba for the first time. A friend wanted to visit Him, as part of the first group that went to Prasanthi Nilayam Ashram from Findhorn. But she was uncertain, as her estranged husband was strongly opposed to the visit. She asked my advice. I encouraged her to have the experience, though I did not believe in 'Gurus'.
On her return from India a few weeks later, she spent three hours sharing her experiences with me. He had only looked at her once during her visit but that one look had had a profound impact on her. As she talked, it seemed to me she had changed in some major way, though I could not define how. This sense of deep change made me feel for the first time that Sai Baba must be someone very special.
I read a couple of startling books about Him, but still felt that spiritual development came only through stillness and meditation without any intermediaries. At the beginning of July, 1985, however, something strange happened. I had given a clairvoyant counselling session to a member of the community who did similar work. It was on an exchange basis. She reminded me that she 'owed me one' and, although I didn't really feel I needed it at that time, we arranged an appointment. I thought of it as a birthday present to myself.
It was her style of work to do a long meditation together, and then to share our experiences. During the meditation, I began to 'see' colours coming towards me, soft greens, browns, ochres, in ever changing variety. It was like looking into a moving kaleidoscope. It was very striking and quite new to me. If I tried to stop the colours, they disappeared, but as soon as I 'let go', they returned. This continued for the whole duration of the meditation. I had no insights, no profound guidance - only the colours.
At the end of the inner time, I described what I had 'seen'. My 'reader' shared that she had felt I was to undergo a profound change in the next few days. What I had received was a preparation for it. The colours represented either the energy of the preparation, or a distraction for the mind so that it could happen anyway. I went away vaguely disappointed that no 'wise words' had been given me, but with the sense of the wonderful colours still with me.
Three days later I was meditating as usual in the early morning in my room. It was around 6 a.m. The summer sun was streaming in through the glass verandah doors of the room, the garden lay, beautiful, beyond. I was sitting cross-legged on the bright red carpet. It had cost 10 pounds in an auction. The bed was on my right, a table a little way to my left. My eyes were closed.
Suddenly, Sai Baba was there, in the orange robe he habitually wears, standing a yard away to my left, looking down at me. The experience was completely real. The room, the carpet, the sun shining, the view through the window - exactly as they were with open eyes - only Sai Baba added. In fact I did not know if my eyes were open or not, and had no time to question it. He said nothing, but looked at me with such love that my heart was wrenched open, with considerable physical pain. A short while and He was there no longer. My eyes were open, and the room was exactly the same - without Sai Baba. I was completely overwhelmed and spent the rest of the day in tears.
The next morning, He was there again, just as before. I remember thinking of Al Capone, with his machine gun in a violin case, making 'an offer you couldn't refuse'. Sai Baba had come to me and made me an offer - of love - that I couldn't refuse. No one in their right mind would refuse an experience like that.
Sai Baba didn't return again, but the love was still with me. Part of it expressed itself as an adoration of Him. He was my way - 'for better or worse'. It was like a marriage ceremony! I didn't even need to go to see Him. My heart was His! But... I thought, it would be nice to see this Being who had visited me in His physical form.
I had hardly a penny to my name; nowhere near enough for a flight and stay in India. As soon as I mentioned I would like to go to see Him, people spontaneously began to give me money. I did not ask for or solicit it, but within 3 weeks I was given ,1100, quite adequate for an Indian visit. Some people gave a few pounds, others a hundred. People I didn't even know came up to me and said things like:
"I hear you want to go to see Sai Baba. I want to support you."
I was able to book a ticket for September. I was a bit scared of a trip to India on my own, feeling I might be overwhelmed by the poverty to be experienced there. Two weeks before departure date, I was working in the garden of the old house when a woman guest came up to me.
"I hear you want to go to India to see Sai Baba," she said.
"Yes," I replied.
"Me, too."
"When are you thinking of going?"
"Sometime in November. How about you?"
"My flight's in two weeks."
"Could I go with you?"
She was serious. We phoned up the airline. There appeared to be one seat left on the plane. I did not have to go to India alone! She was the perfect companion for the journey. Later, at the Ashram, we went our separate ways.
Sceptics may say that all this was illusion and coincidence. But I had already enough spiritual experience to know better. Sai Baba's inner visit was neither dream like, nor the result of fantasy. It was a totally unexpected occurrence. I hadn't even been thinking about Him at the time. The stream of 'coincidences' that happen to thousands of people in relation to Sai Baba is overwhelming. It is clear that something more is involved - grace.
The arrival at Bombay airport was horrible. Nothing I had read had prepared me for the dreadful poverty to be seen around me. Nor for the contrasts the city provides. Having several hours to wait, we took a bus into the centre and walked around, carrying our heavy backpacks, as there seemed to be no left-luggage counters. It was hot, humid and exhausting, a considerable culture shock.
Bangalore was little better; only less humid. We meant to get an express bus to Puttaparti, but after an overnight stay, ended up on the village bus - a 6 hour trip. The slow journey gave a chance to observe and acclimatise, as villages, people and animals came and went. India began to cast a spell over me. I began to feel its vitality, not only its poverty.
Conditions were not easy at the Ashram. The communal sheds ('Halls') were dusty and mosquito infested. At night, dogs tried to enter through any unlatched door - and my two square metres of floor were near the door to the outside toilets. It was usually left open by those in urgent need - not a few. Several times I found stray curs sharing my sleeping bag. But none of it mattered. I regarded all as a test. I had eyes, ears and thoughts only for Sai Baba whom I could now see in front of me, exactly as He had appeared in the vision. True, He did not pay me much attention in the crowds. But He did not ignore me either. His voice began to speak in my head as an inner, verbal conscience.
I spent many rupees in the book shop, buying up all I could find about Sai Baba and His teachings, particularly His own works. I read, learned bhajans, went to lectures for westerners, meditated at the special tree He had blessed for that purpose, snatched meals and tried to sleep. This was apart from the twice daily time with Sai Baba at Darshan and the Bhajan singing which followed. All the time, His voice was present inside, a gentle, loving, but clear commentary on my every action or omission, be they ever so small. How did my behaviour compare with the ideals for spiritual development He set out? I felt as if there was a trapdoor in my head. I had opened it; this unending commentary came through. It reminded me of the stream of colours in the reading at Findhorn.
As a result, I felt split. On the one hand, to be near Sai Baba and to immerse myself in His writings and the atmosphere of the Ashram was like being in heaven. On the other, the inadequacies of my performance there as revealed by His inner voice were so great that I felt despairing. I began to feel depressed - upon which I turned the page of one of His books and found the sentence:
'Depression is the purest form of egotism.'
No haven in depression! The contradiction began to make me ill. I felt like a washed out rag. 'Shiva Fever!' commented someone. Now His inner voice told me: 'Time to leave at the end of the week.' - and I had told people at Findhorn I might stay forever, thinking perhaps go get a job teaching the girls of his college at Anantapur! It was I who was the student! I was 5 weeks there, the longest stay of the 7 I have made, up to now. On the day before departure I asked Sai Baba on the Darshan line.
"Leaving tomorrow, Swami?"
"Tomorrow, very happy," He replied. Next evening, I saw, in the courtyard of my hotel in Bombay, an eclipse of the moon; I also realised it was my birthday, which I had totally forgotten.
*****
Two other members of the Findhorn Foundation had been in Prasanthi Nilayam Ashram, though we travelled independently. Back in Scotland, two of us decided to visit the large Sai Baba group in Glasgow, to see how things were done there. They held their bhajans - devotional songs - on a Sunday evening. Our plan was to travel the two hundred miles on Sunday morning, stay overnight with Glasgow devotees, and return on Monday.
The Glasgow Sai Convenor was most welcoming. We should come to his house in the outer suburbs of Glasgow when we arrived, he said. We could then go into Glasgow in his car for the bhajans and stay with him and his wife overnight. We had to point out that we were not sure when we would arrive, as there was no transport out of the local town of Forres to Inverness on a Sunday. My friend had no car, and mine had just given up the ghost.
We hitch hiked out of Forres to Inverness. After a cold, half hour wait, some kindly person picked us up and it was not long before we were at Inverness train station - to discover that there were no trains on a Sunday morning. We went to the bus station and discovered that there was a bus - in a short while.
We arrived at the Glasgow Bus Station just before 2, and went to Queen Street Train Station to get the local electric train to the suburb. Another setback: the electric train service, also, did not run on a Sunday. There was probably a bus, but we didn't know how frequent, or where it went from. So we phoned the Convenor from the station.
His son answered the phone.
"We got your phone call that you were arriving in Queen St on the 2.15 train," he said. "Dad's on his way to pick you up now. He should be there any minute."
We had made no phone call. As we stepped out of the phone box, I looked at the clock. It was exactly 2.15. The Convenor came hurrying across the station concourse to us.
"Sai Ram! I'm glad I was in time," he said. We checked the Arrivals board in case we had made a mistake in Inverness. There was no train from there due in at 2.15.
Who could have known that we would be at Queen St. station at exactly 2.15? There was no train from Inverness at all. We changed our intention and came on the bus. There were no local trains. Instead of going straight back to the bus station we phoned from Queen St. Rail. Who telephoned on our behalf? We had spoken to no-one on the journey. Nobody could have known of our changed plans. Yet somebody had phoned the convenor and told him he should meet us at Queen St. station at 2.15, the time we were actually there. It was a little miracle. Only Sai Baba himself could have been responsible.
The experience was a very moving one for us. It indicated that we were being cared for in a very specific way; there was exact attention to detail and a prior knowledge of events that no ordinary human could have had. Sai Baba gives attention not just to the 'big' things of life, but to small, everyday events as well, indicating a very personal relationship to the devotee. Such examples of meticulous caring are models for each of us in living our daily lives.
We had a very good time in Glasgow at the bhajans and with the convenor and his family. The next day we returned to Forres, still feeling exhilarated by our 'personal' miracle. In the bus from Inverness to Forres, the only other passenger was a woman from Nairn, the small town between them. We started talking, and I mentioned that my car had finally broken down.
"Ach, we've an old car we're not wanting 'cause we've just bought a new one," she said. "You'll likely be able to have it!" She gave us her address in Nairn and told me to come round the next Sunday.
It was grace overwhelming. My car replaced for nothing on top of everything else! It was, frankly, too much for me. My ego took over. I spent the week telling all and sundry about Sai Baba's special grace, with the implication that I was special.
I had a lot of trouble finding someone to give me a lift to Nairn on the next Sunday. Everyone had something else on. I called from one person to another and eventually someone agreed; but they could not meet the time specified. We arrived about ¾ of an hour late, to find no-one at the house. The car in question appeared to be standing there. We waited a long time, but nobody showed up. I returned sadly to Forres, ruefully aware of having 'blown it'. It was a salutary lesson. I couldn't afford another car for two years.
A year later, I was back in Prasanthi Nilayam Ashram, this time for a three week visit. An old friend had arrived at Findhorn. In the seventies, she had been poor - at that time, I had a good job and helped her financially.
"When I had no money, you helped me," she said. "Now the tables are turned." She gave me £500. Together with money donated for some counselling sessions, it was enough for the second visit.
This time, the stay was blissful. Without the anxiety of a first visit to India, knowing how the Ashram ran, having visited all the special places one had to see - Sai Baba's birthplace, the 'tree of many fruits' and so on - I could concentrate more intensely on the experience of being in His ambience. I had developed enough distance not to be irritated by the little tests the Ashram provided. It was a gentle visit, of three weeks.
On return to the Findhorn Community, I felt very happy and empowered. After the first visit to Sai Baba, I had cancelled planned long workshops - a month long training in Spiritual Healing and a three month Clairvoyant Reading course. It didn't feel that the workshops were wrong in themselves; just that the spiritual training I was receiving was too intense for me to teach such things at the time.
A couple of days after my return, I had a strong inclination to go to the meditation room in the Park section of the community, a lovely, quiet building, surrounded by flowers and shrubs. It was mid morning; there was no one else there. Sitting quietly, I thought of Krishna, one of Sai Baba's previous incarnations, as a child. Images from the Bhagavatam, the great Indian epic in praise of Krishna, came to mind. The young Krishna loved cream. In the cow herding village where He lived, He would to go round the households, stealing cream from the buckets of cow's milk. No-one could catch Him, but everybody knew who it was, to the despair of his mother. Whether we like it or not, God eventually takes the best of who we are - the cream - for himself. I found the Krishna stories, so rich, so deep in symbolism, very moving.
Suddenly, there was a sense that Sai Baba was with me; the thought came - if Krishna was a 'spiritual thief', I could work as a 'spiritual burglar'!
I was presented with an image. Our body and personality is like a house which contains a treasure. As we grow up, we try, each in our own way, to protect this treasure - our own perfection - by erecting walls and defences against the various challenges of a difficult environment. But, in so doing, we lock the treasure away so securely that we cannot access it ourselves.
By 'breaking in', through the shell of our personalities and avoiding the 'police' of social convention - which says that the material world should be the goal of our desires - we could begin to re-access this perfection - our own divinity - once more. Our 'accomplices' would be a supportive group of co-workers. The Lord Himself would be the 'Master mind', and the 'jemmy' we would use would be love.
It seemed a perfect theme for a workshop. Now, exercises came flooding in, some new, some modifications of techniques I had already used in other workshops I had led. After some time, it all came to an end; the sense of Sai Baba's presence faded. I had been given a major gift of grace. I left the sanctuary, ran to my caravan, and wrote everything down while it was fresh in my mind.
The Findhorn programme for the next season had already been made up, but a young German doctor from Hamburg had a 'reading' from me, and later sought me out for conversation. I shared about the gift of a workshop I had recently been given, and she was very interested. She had a group of friends in Hamburg who were searching for a more spiritual way of life. Would I be prepared to lead a workshop there to put the idea into practice?
I already had some conversational German and spent the rest of the autumn 'super-learning' German spiritual terms so I could lead the workshop in that language. In March, 1987, the first 'Breaking In' ('Einbrechen') took place, over a long weekend. There were about ten participants. I was extremely nervous; at times the strain of long hours of thinking, understanding and speaking only German made me almost incoherent. But the workshop was a resounding success. An ongoing group was formed, and I was asked to return to carry the work further.
It was the first of more than 50 similar workshops over the next four years, in Germany, Italy, Scandinavia and in the Findhorn Community itself. I led them at four different levels, and they varied from two days to two weeks in length. I used the money I earned to visit Sai Baba in India and my aged mother who was living in Australia.
I was always nervous just before a 'Breaking In' session started, but, little by little, I realised that the Grace had not only been in the gift of the ideas for the workshop, but was present during the work itself. 'I' didn't have to do it. The exercises were just a framework for the flow of love in the group and spiritual change happened 'of itself'. Through the workshops I myself was being trained in ego release, surrender and confidence in inner wisdom.
At the end of each workshop, as a culmination of the work, we would do an exercise called 'Intuitive' or 'Automatic' writing; in fact an introduction to 'channelling'. The results of this exercise, only about a half hour long, were extraordinarily varied and creative. They ranged from initial blockage and scribbles, to poetry, short stories, strange scripts and languages, to passages of deep spiritual wisdom. Afterwards we would share what we had each received, with no judgement at all, and sometimes discuss what it meant.
For every group, I received a message, always signed 'Sai Baba'. In longer workshops, the messages would come in several parts. By the end of 1990, I had more than 50 of these messages, a collection of very beautiful, short spiritual texts. But were they really from Sai Baba? I was sure, but, for external confirmation, I took them to Him at Shivaratri time, in February, 1991.
During this visit, I did not seem to be getting good positions near to where He would walk in Darshan, so I asked the head service worker if I could have a special place one day. It was agreed. Next day, I had a perfect seat in the very front line, just where He would walk. He came straight to me. Although Sai Baba is physically small, the energy He emits is overwhelming. He seems huge, and it is hard not to be totally overawed, at least for me. As He approached, I managed to blurt out,
"Bless for publication, Swami?" holding the texts out to Him.
"Yes, I'll bless!" He said, laying his hand on the document and looking at me with the personality-cracking love that melts the heart away. He is the great 'spiritual burglar'!
It was 1996 before Sai Baba's messages were actually published, in Spanish. Three samples are included in Appendix I to this book.
After the experience in the Findhorn Sanctuary, it was more than another year before I returned to the Ashram, for a winter visit. This time, Sai Baba tested me by giving a theme to the time with Him - healing. It was as if He was saying, 'So you think of yourself as a healer? Well, let's have a look!'
Every day in the early part of the visit, something occurred. People vomited at my feet. An old lady fell and hit her head on a tree. They welcomed the laying on of hands. One day, one of my room mates - this time I had managed to find a place in one of the numerous apartments in the Ashram - said,
"There's a problem in one of the sheds. A young, Danish woman was found naked in the village in the early morning and brought back inside to the shed. She's in a bad state, mentally. Can you help?"
I was doubtful, but it seemed churlish to refuse to try, so I agreed to go. My room mate, a young woman from Holland, came with me. Just inside the door of the shed was a little group; two older Germans and a girl in her early twenties, sitting on a mattress on the floor. She was quite distraught and agreed to try a healing. To give her confidence, I included the other three as healers, even though they had no experience. We formed a circle, focusing on the young Dane, who fortunately spoke good English. I explained a little and we did a short meditation, invoking Sai Baba's presence.
As I began channelling healing energy, the woman's face became distorted. Her lips lifted and she actually snarled at us. I have become used to trusting my intuition in healings; it is rarely wrong. This time, however, the message that came was disturbing. I had the sense that the woman was possessed!
In the period since leaving my academic career as a social scientist, I had broadened my vision of reality very considerably. But I was uneasy about this message. People have mental illnesses. Possession is something mediaeval; a pre-medical explanation for a syndrome social/chemical, possibly genetic, in origin. I was not sure the others could accept the idea, either. But the message would not go away. I told the others to keep sending loving energy and, guardedly, framed some words to this 'being' who had 'taken over' the woman.
"It's against universal law to inhabit another being's body. Release and leave."
The reply from the woman seemed to confirm the intuition. "You can't make me. You're not strong enough." Emboldened, I continued,
"You must go away and not come back."
"You can't do it. You're not secure enough."
The others were wonderful. In spite of their lack of experience, they didn't panic and stayed with the situation, though they weren't channelling healing energy - hardly to be expected, since they had no idea what they were supposed to be doing.
The dialogue went on and on. Me, trying to get the unpleasant spirit to leave; it replying through the woman's voice and distorted face that I didn't have the power. It became a sort of battle of wills and got nowhere. The stalemate went on for almost an hour; it was clear the others were tiring. I couldn't expel this entity. Finally, I called on Sai Baba to resolve the situation, which had become extremely fraught.
Suddenly, the shed doors swung open and two women ran in. Ignoring the 'healing situation', one of them said:-
"We're going back to Copenhagen today and can take her with us. A taxi'll be coming in an hour."
The stalemate fell apart. Most people, the woman herself included, started to cry. Her normal consciousness took over. Miraculously, her money, ticket and passport had not been taken during her escapade in the village. We were able to stuff her few things into her rucksack and have her ready to go when the taxi arrived. She left, between the two women in the back seat, still apparently in a perfectly normal, if weak, state.
As I reflected on this incident afterwards, it became clear that my ego had taken over in the situation. I was in a battle of wills, trying to force the alien spirit away, rather than allowing love to flow, which is what spiritual healing is all about. Only when I had eventually called on Sai Baba in despair did the situation change. Immediately the other Danes arrived. Baba had repressed the unwanted spirit entity. It was a strong lesson about getting caught up in ego in healing - something I had thought I was free of.
The story, however, did not end there. Two days later, my room mate saw and talked with one of the same Danish women, in the Ashram. When they arrived at Bangalore, the entity had surfaced again, and the woman became uncontrollable. They had been forced to deliver her to the Bangalore mental hospital, from which they contacted her parents in Denmark. Why they had not themselves gone on to Copenhagen was unclear. Neither my room mate nor I ever saw either of the women again.
After her return to Holland my friend contacted me in Findhorn. As she, herself, was at Bangalore airport, she had seen the Danish woman, obviously under heavy sedation, being led to the plane by an Indian nurse, who travelled with her.
The whole incident began to take on a surreal quality. Were the Danish rescuers real? Why had they not done what they said they were going to do - return to Copenhagen? Sai Baba has been known to create 'identities' to deal with special situations. But, if so, why would one of them emerge again, to explain things to my friend? Had it been a stratagem to get her to a mental hospital, where she would at least be relatively safe? From there her parents could organise a return to Denmark, where the 'devil' - if it existed - would be so uncomfortable under western drug therapies and shock treatments that it might clear out of the woman's identity fast.
I spoke about the incident to a well known devotee who had written a book about Sai Baba, with a reference in it to the healing of 'spirit possession'. Yes, she affirmed, such possessions did exist. It was very hard indeed to get rid of the invading agent. She had sat with someone for weeks under the wall of Sai Baba's own room in the Ashram, before healing had come to them.
Whatever the truth of this strange incident, it made me realise that ego was still strong in me. No more healing situations presented themselves in the remainder of the visit. I had my own problems to deal with.
In company with a throng of devotees travelling by bus and taxi, I found myself in Whitefield, Sai Baba's Ashram on the outskirts of Bangalore, where He also has a student campus. At that time, He gave darshan under a huge Banyan tree, since replaced by an open sided hall. Each day we lined up, as in Prasanthi Nilayam, to take our places before He came out of His residence.
The crowds were slightly smaller at Whitefield. There was more chance of a front line. Sai Baba also seemed less austere. 'He is Shiva at Puttaparti, Krishna at Whitefield,' someone commented. On the other hand there was only one formal darshan a day.
One morning, towards the end of my stay, I had a front line position, giving me a clear view of Baba as He came round the lines of worshipping devotees. Five or six yards away, He stopped, gazing down at a little child held up for Him by its mother. The love on His face overwhelmed me; my heart opened and I looked at Him with something of the same love. At that moment, He lifted His head up and turned His eyes - full of love - directly on me, an indescribable sensation. He walked along the line and stood directly in front of me, talking to an Indian woman two or three rows behind. He was within inches! I suddenly realised that His feet were there to be touched. I wanted to do Padnamaskar (kiss His feet), but the crush made it literally impossible to move an inch back to bend down from my sitting position, and I could not move an inch forward, He was so close. So I grabbed His feet with both hands, and, I hope, gently, held on. It was as if an electric shock went through me! Time seemed to stop and I was aware only of the moment. Some seconds later, Sai Baba twitched His foot gently, to indicate He was ready to move on, and I let go.
For the rest of the day, I was constantly tearful. I remember seeing the statue to the Goddess Saraswathi in the forecourt. She instantly became my favourite member of the Hindu pantheon, and I bought a sandalwood figurine of her, which is still on my shrine table.
During this time, I had been sharing a room with a Seva Dal from Puttaparti, someone I had noticed many times while she was marshalling the lines of women waiting for Darshan. At that ashram, she was not allowed to mix with visitors, for fear of accusations of favouritism and special influence, but at Whitefield she considered herself 'off duty'. We became friendly and she took me to a small Hindu temple nearby, to learn something of Hindu ritual.
As a building, it had nothing to commend it; just a recently-built, rectangular, concrete box. But inside, the atmosphere was timeless. The main shrine was to Hanuman, but there was a side altar to Rama - a previous Avatar - and Sita, His wife. As I had been re-reading the wonderful 'Rama Katha Rasa Vahini', Sai Baba's own account of their story, I was very attracted to it. Each day we would bring a little fruit as an offering, and kneel before the main altar, where the Pundit (priest) would intone Sanskrit prayers. The ritual, incense, low light, smoky flames of the camphor offerings obliterated the modernity of the building and gave a sense of the ancientness of Hinduism and its rituals. Inside the temple, it could have been 4000 years ago; the rituals would probably have been the same.
A couple of days after Sai Baba had allowed me to hold His feet, it was time to take my flight onwards. I had hoped for special leaving darshan from Him, but I was in the last line that day, and He did not approach.
I was a little disappointed. I was travelling on to visit my daughter, newly married in southern Japan, an unknown destination for me. My Seva Dal friend suggested that we ask the Pundit for a special blessing for the journey.
We took a few rupees and a larger bunch of bananas than usual and duly entered the temple. Apart from the Pundit, there was no one there. My friend explained our request, the Pundit accepted the offering, and began a complicated ritual, intoning a long Sanskrit invocation.
Suddenly, I was no longer a Western Sai Baba devotee in the local Hindu temple, but an aged woodcutter's wife, dressed in ragged clothes in a forest clearing in some North Indian jungle. My husband was cutting small trees about sixty yards away, on the edge of the forest itself. I was sitting by a track which ran through the clearing. Out of the woods on the far side came a couple, approaching me.
As they came close, I fell to my knees. I knew it was Rama and Sita themselves. They came to me and stopped for a moment, graciously allowing me to kiss their feet. They were tall, with perfectly formed features, extremely beautiful. Rama, taller, had a deep, almost bluish-black skin colour; Sita was somewhat lighter. They were wearing matching outfits, Rama with a short side-slit skirt like covering of green, edged with gold, with broad green and gold upper armlets and anklets of the same pattern. Sita wore similar colours, with a longer skirt, also side-slit, a short sleeveless blouse, cut just under the breast, and the same gold armlets and anklets. She was not wearing a sari, modern Indian women's dress. They looked down at me with compassion. As my husband started to come over, they acknowledged him with a hand and passed along the track out of the clearing on the other side.
Then I was once more a European in the temple, the pundit's intonations continuing. I had no idea how long the inner incident had taken in the outer world, but I knew that I had been blessed with special grace by Sai Baba - His leaving present. I did not share what had occurred to my friend till nine years later. She told me she had been aware from my appearance that something special had happened that day.
In my visits to Sai Baba's Ashram, I had begun to hear His voice in my head, examining my behaviour in the light of Dharma (righteous conduct) and had gradually become used to it. During the 'Breaking In' workshops, He unfailingly sent a message for the group.
As summer, 1991 approached, I felt an impulse to make another visit to Sai Baba - the second in one year. I had enough money from the workshops for the fare, and arrived in Prasanthi Nilayam in time for the Guru Purnima celebrations - in late July that year. While sitting quietly in the temple forecourt between darshan and the bhajan session, I received and wrote down several messages directed personally to me and signed by Sai Baba. It was the first time that such a thing had happened outside the workshop situation. The messages indicated that He had a new project for me. I was going to receive a 'teaching manual' to help in my spiritual growth.
Shortly after my return from the Ashram, the first message came. It is reproduced below:-
"Beloved,
Thank you for contacting Me. Yes, you can use the computer. Do not forget to do the meditation or skimp it. I am as much with you on Erraid as in Prasanthi. Every picture of Me is as much Me as My moving form in Prasanthi Nilayam, if you look into it. So, by My miracle, I am present even in form with you now. I am there for everyone, if only they knew it. As they come to know, they begin to let Me bear the load. Their lives gradually calm down, they become more Self-reliant and less self-reliant - which means that they begin to be happier. This journey to Me is like the opening of a dam; long held back, the water begins pouring towards the sea. The dam is never opened too much, When I am called upon, I open the sluices just the right amount for harmonious development. It is only when the will resists that there may be pain for the individual. Like you, many individuals are impatient. It is a quality from early childhood, wanting things immediately they are perceived. Adults can wait a little, and the realised, a very long time. Yet the pace of what happens is optimum when under My control.
From your own identity, with its very limited knowledge and awareness, how can you make decisions as to the appropriate pace of your development? You will take many hard knocks on the way to Me. But begin to give Me control and already the knowledge you need is given. You can relax in Me, letting go your fears and worries about what you are doing, secure in the knowledge that I will give you the best possible development, with the finest timing and the most harmony. Remember, it is not you that gives up, it is your ego, that has imperialistically taken you over and declared itself to be you. As I take over, that begins to change. The battle to defeat the ego is one of the great challenges - for it is a worthy opponent.
Think for a moment of a grand chess master, playing a hundred students at once. I am playing the game with every individual on the planet, all at the same time, playing to defeat the ego, so the real person can be realised. The game does not end with death. That is merely a 'coffee break', in which a new setting is established, relevant to what has been learned in previous encounters. I affirm - 'I am You; I am Love; I am the essence of everything;' and the ego asserts: 'I am not You; I am separate; every form has to be taken at its face value; and, I want control.' Its thinking and its aims are based on reduction of fear, protection, acquisition, and assertiveness, none of which are necessary for a love-filled, awareness-filled being.
I am here in form on earth to provide a bridge for striving identities; a handhold for developing souls. For as you are, as the game is now, you need something tangible, something that your ordinary senses can appreciate, something that provides a counterweight to the temptations to which the senses ordinarily succumb. So here I am for you. As you can connect inwardly with Me, I am here for you on that level, too, giving advice and spiritual teaching. Use every level, for the way to be One is to merge with your higher Self. I am that way.
Be blessed! Be relaxed! Align yourself with My course for you and you will become You in the shortest time.
At the time I was living at the Findhorn Community's Isle of Erraid centre on the West coast of Scotland, experiencing small group self-reliance in a relatively isolated rural setting. Over the next nine months, I received 83 such messages, They were quite personal, in that they addressed the situations that arose in daily life on the island, but together they made up a complete manual for spiritual development. They would come about twice a week, early in the morning, and all were signed, 'Sai Baba'. As I received them, I shared them with the other members of the group on Erraid. In July, 1992, the last message arrived: -
"During this period, a time of assimilation, you should release this frequent direct communication, just 'checking in' from time to time. Be concerned to put into practice the messages you have already received, which provide a perfect spiritual 'manual' for someone in your position. Read them through, use them. Share them with good friends in Sai or sympathetic spiritual seekers. Once this assimilation has happened, a new series of fuller messages will come as part of a project for publication, and this will be an expansion and development of what you have received, with examples and illustrations to give people the opportunity to use it. But your first task is assimilation. Everything has its time and place.
A major shift is going on in you and the world. Allow yourself to be open to the available love. Love polarises people - not because of its nature, but because of the response to it. By getting nearer to love, you are empowered, self-sufficient and able to care appropriately for others. By rejecting love, you open the door for all the other emotions which drag you into the world of illusion, anger, envy, disempowerment and so on. Thus people separate themselves. There is no biological separation of the race, for everyone has the simple potential of opening themselves to love. But, in a completely natural way, those more and more open to love separate themselves out from those less and less open. To separate oneself from love is a sad and forlorn state, and arouses only compassion. But the separation is inexorable and is the preparation for the new era.
Because the love organised identity in formation is vulnerable to violence (and temptation), support havens are being built up all over the globe, for reinforcement and succour to those seeking love. There will be as many as needed, oases among the mirages of frustrated desire. Love, wisdom, right conduct, inner peace and gentleness to all the world - these are the qualities of the new humanity which will emerge from the ruins of materialistic humanity when all the violence has been spent and the war in the shadows has exhausted itself. Do not take part, but offer love to all who seek it. In your behaviour be a model of the new humanity, living in a transformed and purified world.
Never be afraid that it will not happen. I am 'happening' it. That is why I have come. Darkness cannot tolerate light - hate, rage, greed and all the other rakshasas cannot tolerate love; even as they defy it they dissolve and disappear. The primary thing is to strengthen love in yourself, with all that that entails.
Love and blessings; and an 'au revoir' for a short time.
Sai Baba"
And that was it. Since that time I have not received any similar messages from Him. But, again and again, I return to them for spiritual guidance and have shared them with several devotees. A few more are reproduced in Appendix 2.
Sai Baba was as good as His word. I began to feel that my two year stay on Erraid was complete. I was offered a place in a spiritual vacation centre on the island of Madeira, run by two ex- Findhorners. In January 1993, I spent three idyllic months with them on that wonderful island, helping to cook and clean. In that time, I channelled the book, 'The Path to Love - is the Practice of Love'.
But, before I went to Madeira, I visited Sai Baba once more, this time for His Birthday.
'The World Through Your Eyes, Lord'
In 1992, I went for the first time to Sai Baba's Birthday celebrations', on 23rd November. I had always avoided them before, afraid I would not cope well with the crowds. But Shivaratri and Guru Purnima, both big festivals, had gone well. I began to trust that, whatever the crowds, Sai Baba's grace would take care of me and give me the experiences I needed on my spiritual path. This developing faith was rewarded again.
I found myself once more in a shed, this time with a good friend from Findhorn, who was visiting with her teenage children. Up to the day of the birthday itself, everything went well, in spite of very crowded conditions.
The Birthday celebration was to be held in the Hillview Stadium, a vast open-air auditorium behind some of the student facilities, outside the main ashram. A little group of us arrived there just after 4 a.m.
A covered stand with a speaker's platform and a small amount of seating dominates the stadium. From here, Sai Baba gives His Birthday discourse. To its left is a steep hill, with huge statues of deities at intervals along it. Towards the base of this hill, rows of concrete ridges rise, providing seating for non-Indian guests. Indians themselves congregate in the centre of the stadium, where they can look up to the main stand. On the right, one can see the backs of the student buildings along the main road to the village. The stadium can accommodate several hundred thousand people.
We found a place on the concrete ridges with a good view of the stage. Sai Baba would enter from the far end, in His gold decorated 'Sai-mobile', the delight of the Indian crowds.
As the numbers swelled around us, we settled down to wait. It was quite chilly in the early morning. Gradually, the outlines of the hills around appeared from the darkness. I began feeling quite strange; giddy, a little faint, something that I do not normally experience at all. Luckily, there was a little space left; reeling, I was able to lay out somewhat on the concrete slab and close my eyes.
At last, Sai Baba appeared in the strange, gold-leaf covered 'Sai-mobile', flanked by an escort of student motor cycle riders from His Women's University College at Anantapur. At that point I passed out, to the consternation of those around me. A doctor was nearby and pushed smelling salts under my nose, also putting drops of vile tasting liquid on my tongue, at which I came to. My faintness receding somewhat, I was able to sit up and watch Sai Baba descend from the vehicle and walk the last steps to the stand, preceded by the University brass band.
As He arrived on the stand, I was too weak to sit up any longer. People gathered round the 'casualty', but I waved them off. I actually felt all right, indeed almost euphoric, although incapable of moving. Sai Baba began His Birthday discourse, relayed through loudspeakers. The best I could do was to hold up my hand towards the sound - like an aerial. I couldn't see Him at all from my lying position - the line of other people's backs in front was solid. I surrendered to the situation. There was a feeling of sweetness and innocence, as if I were a tiny child again.
As Sai Baba continued to speak, punctuated by the translation, I became aware that I could see - not Him - but the whole concourse in front of the stand, the crowd of Indian students and visitors in front, the foreign visitors over on the left, where my body was lying. An indescribable love flowed through me as I looked at them. On the one hand, I was lying on a concrete bench to one side of the stadium, with one hand raised like an antenna to the sound of Sai Baba's voice and only a line of backs to see; on the other I was looking over the crowds from Sai Baba's position, in a state of absolute bliss!
This continued for the entire duration of the discourse. As Sai Baba finished speaking and prepared to leave the stadium, the view ended; the feeling of bliss remained.
When people began to disperse, I found I couldn't get up at all. My limbs were like jelly. They simply wouldn't carry my weight. Shepherded by my friend, I was carried down from the concrete slabs to the roadway below. Various 'official' cars were trying to nose through the crowd of departing devotees. Somebody managed to stop one that was not full, loaded me in the back and the helpful driver deposited me and my friend at the shed where we were staying. All I could manage to say was,
"It's all right. I'm not ill. Just weak," and thank and bless everyone who crowded round. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. They laid me on the bed, as I was, and within moments I was away in a dreamless sleep.
I woke up about 6 hours later, desperate for a visit to the toilet. The shed was empty. Everyone was at the afternoon celebrations. As I stumbled off the bed, I found that I could walk again, though slightly unsteady on my feet. Later, as I lay down, still weak, but more or less my 'normal' self once more, I realised that I had been given an enormous, transforming gift of grace. Sai Baba had granted me the privilege of seeing through His eyes for a while! I had seen the great crowd of devotees from the place He, Himself had regarded it and experienced the Love with which He looked at them. In order to give me this great gift, my ordinary self had to be softened to surrender - the unexpected faintness.
It took me the rest of my stay to recover physically from the effects of this experience. I believe the energy of His gift was at the very edge of what I could survive. I told no-one about the event for several years; nor did I return to the Ashram for another 5 years, till 1997. I felt that my identity had to be developed to accommodate such a powerful, beautiful experience. That process is still going on.
Up to the time of writing, Sai Baba has never granted me an interview. His grace has come in just the appropriate way for my identity. I believe that every single individual who makes an effort to surrender to Him will be rewarded in just the way appropriate to their identity, at their stage of development. Sai Baba has pointed out that it is useless for someone on a spiritual path to desire everything, all at once. He gives an analogy:-
"In today's age, you are not asked to be a renunciant, denying the world for spirit; you are asked to bring spirit into the world of your senses. As you do so, everything begins to dissolve, re-form and shine before your eyes, so you can sense the true wonder of creation. That wonder is too strong to receive all at once. Your senses would burn out, as a fuse burns out when a surge of current is too strong.
The process is more like rewiring. By the light of the existing current you get glimpses of the wonder that I am; those glimpses stimulate you to strengthen yourselves to take more wonder, deeper ecstasy, stronger adoration of the Miracle of Miracles - the Oneness of All - My overwhelming Love.
Do not become lost in this process of self-strengthening, desperately trying to get more and more as fast as possible. That is mere greed projected into spirituality. Know that sobriety and right timing are essential to your voyage of discovery. Have clear intent, take the opportunities offered you; and your strengthening process will occur optimally. Set your intent and surrender!"
This small collection of personal stories illustrates a few of the ways in which Sai Baba lovingly assists in the transformation of His followers. There are many others, perhaps as many as there are seekers to find them. Followers of Sai Baba love to exchange stories of experiences with Him.
Sai Baba says He has not incarnated to supplant the existing world religions, but to support their followers to embrace their faiths more fully. He emphasises the value of each individual human being as a physical embodiment of divine love. Consciously and experientially becoming that love is the path to human fulfilment.
At some point this involves a personal inner search for the values of truth, love, peace, right conduct and abhorrence of violence. As they are found and embraced, they will be expressed in compassionate service to humanity. Conversely, attempts to be loving and caring for other humans, animals and the natural world, will stimulate the development of an identity more and more connected with its divine essence.
Sai Baba works on many levels. Much of His teaching is to orthodox Hindus who may see Him as a great Guru, or God among their pantheon of Gods. He emphasises the values and rituals of that great religion.
For those less involved with the forms of religion, He offers, to any individual who is willing, grace and assistance in spiritual Self-discovery, a personal connection with divinity. "God resides in the heart of the devotee."
For me, Sai Baba is an exemplary incarnation, exquisitely expressed in a human form - that which I ultimately, essentially also am, and which everyone else is, as well. My response to Him is adoration and devotion. He is my guide and compassionate helper in Self development.
Such adoration is dangerous when directed to fallible human beings, but in my thirteen years of connection with Sai Baba, in my study of His writings, in my examination of His biography as studied by many others, I have come across nothing which leads me to doubt this faith in Him. Instead, it has grown stronger as the years pass.
In the famous aphorism, cited earlier, He stated, "I am God; you are God. The only difference between us is that I know it and you don't." He is here to help us to know who we are in that profoundest sense.
In a nutshell, this is the path of fulfilment for humanity.
Here are some samples of messages received in the 'Breaking In' workshops, referred to above. All the messages have been collected together in a small book, 'Gifts of Divine Love - Messages from Sathya Sai Baba.' It is on another page of this Web Site.
Who Is Important?
How blessed you are to be in such a place at such a time. Expand your perception of the context of your lives! Why were you called here now, while so many others were not? Who are the important people on this planet?
Are they great tycoons of industry who wield mountains of wealth in gigantic organisations? They believe their world and style is forever and ignore the undercurrents of anxiety that flow within them. They deny the transitory nature of all wealth, keeping their heads down to the material ground.
Are they the politicians who serve them, believing that they are in control of their gigantic bureaucracies? They pretend that power is their property.
Are they the military titans, overseeing vast electronic armies of unspeakable threat? They convince themselves that they are in control of violence and suppress their doubts.
Or are they the people in small places seeking to transform themselves, to bring love into the world and to find the certainty, the guiding Light which underlies their outer insecurities? You all know that the transformation points are where Love flows, where Love is seeking to manifest itself and being encouraged. You are part of that, beloved. Do not fear your uncertainties or the pain of your transformation, for you seek to reach Me and become the expression of the new.
Change your valuation of yourselves and the world, not to arrogance, but with an awareness of what really matters and from where the best really comes! As you find your light, confidently allow it to shine forth. In doing this you are disciples of joy, standard bearers of transformation. Seek companions on the same path, recognise them, encourage them and be encouraged by them!
Of course, great changes are happening! The material world and its order is becoming less and less certain - but behind these confusions the realm of Love intrudes, in every corner of every land. Wherever you see it, be there!
Open yourselves, value yourselves! You are the salt of the earth. Seek the wonder of yourselves and discard the chains that bind you!
Be blessed.
Truth Hidden In Every Form.
The earth is a stage on which everyone learns who they are through the drama of life. You are like actors, participants in a play so huge that you can only know a part. Yet you are all connected to one another through endless chains of service, work and relationships.
Only I understand the whole play. But I am present in each of you. Therefore, the discovery of Me in you is the key to understanding the drama. For those who are not in contact with Me, life is like an outer power, pushing hither and thither. Wherever they try to go, individuals are restricted by words and pressures. As you grow up, each of you builds limits into your consciousness; limits which seem like part of your identity. Without finding the key and using it, life is like an endless labyrinth. Everything that happens is a lesson to teach you to seek the key. Everywhere there are pointers showing how to reach and possess it, but each of you has free will and is not forced. Only when you have found the key can you live in real joy and bliss on earth; its search is the search for happiness.
As in any play there are main themes and subplots. Scenes change according to the author's wish. At present a new scene is beginning in the drama of life. The exploration of the darker aspects of life is coming to its conclusion, life without aim and without love, self-destructive for everyone. Now, in comparison, the play will present the theme of solution, an age of joy and praise of God. The scene is changing in your own lifetimes, a period full of dramatics and apparent catastrophes.
You are My tools for change. Enjoy playing the drama! Be courageous in your search for its solution!
Be blessed, you are embodiments of love.
In you is the power to solve all your problems. You are blessed and gifted. Don't think you are too weak to change situations in your personal lives, or that your well-being depends on outer circumstances. You have support from an inner wisdom; love and strength that transcends all outer things. Feelings of weakness, alienation and 'I can't' do not come from a lack of outer things, but from a lack of trust in inner wealth.
Each step towards self-knowledge and self-confidence gives you more strength to deal with outer situations. You are more aware of what does you good, and find the courage to do it. You need less and less, but your life steadily improves. You are not asked to give up all material things, but you are asked not to be dependent on them. Such dependence is like being in prison; instead of possessing things, actually the things possess you. As you seek your inner source you will gradually be freed from this prison. Many seek freedom, but they don't know why they are not free.
Most of you suffer from a lack of love and support. These things are everyone's birthright, but a civilisation that directs itself outwards creates conditions in which lack of love can be sensed all around.
So look for your inner source of love and support, there for everyone. The more trust you build in it, the stronger and more contentedly you can live. Slowly your illnesses - for the most part symptoms of lack of love - will disappear. An inner sun will shine every day; the clouds of confusion and lostness will pass. As you change in this way, the world is saved. If you resist, you will not only suffer personal pain, but world transformation is postponed.
You are blessed, supported, loved, Embodiments of love. Be aware of it.
Here are three more samples of the messages referred to in the chapter on the Teachings.
There Is No Need to Worry.
Do not worry. Worry tenses, weakens. It does not solve situations but merely makes you more ineffective, less present in the situations that you face. Worry creates impatience, brings you away from your centre. It is totally redundant. Why fear when I am here? I run the show. Allow Me to be you and there will be none of this angst. I have promised you a tractor, and I will give you a tractor. Which tractor do you want? It shall be yours. I organise things. Give Me a clear request and I will fulfil it. This is such a small, infinitesimal matter, manifested in the twinkling of an eye. You create such a large affair over it. Neither hurry, nor hesitate. Let the group try to find agreement, so the energy is clear.
All these insecure emotions demean you, for they are the product of the arrogance of the ego and reluctance to accept God as the driver. You are God. If you do not accept God as the driver, He will not drive. When Ego drives, there is poverty, war, unnecessary suffering. Mother Earth reacts to all the collective angst and violence; her balance is upset, and she reflects you. When God drives, there is harmony and abundance for all. It is as simple as that.
You are God. God exists as you at a level of energetic vibration, a will force. Ego exists in you as another level of energetic vibration. Bestiality also exists in you as a level of energetic vibration. Behaviour and results are the consequence of the level of vibration on which you exist. Because the whole of creation - matter, energy, being itself - is one Divine thought experienced by humans as love, from each level of vibration you can aspire to a higher, as each is present in you. The aspiration is expressed in devotion, reason and behaviour, changing you little by little. You enter life innocent and open, but where your stage is set depends on your previous experience as a vibrational being.
Each of you is a different mix of vibrational levels which vary around a norm, as waves vary around an average height. A 'typical' bestial person would have some ego and a spark of God vibration. A 'typical' ego person would have some bestial and some divine vibration. A 'typical' divine person would have some ego and a spark of bestiality. A fully divine person appears on earth as a perfected spiritual teacher. All is vibrational level.
Love, for a bestial person, seems animalistic, physical. Love for an ego-centred human is expressed as partner need and consideration. Love for a person centred on divine levels of vibration is unconditional, expressing the knowledge that all creation is God thought.
Whatever your aspiration, it must be expressed through choices of stimuli in the experienced world if it is to be realised and held. A bestial person will seek inputs of low vibrational energy in food, companionship and surroundings. To change his state, be/she must change their inputs. The consequences of existing on any vibrational level will be expressed in the emotional state; as pain, violence, anger, grief, envy, lustfulness at the lower levels or happiness, joy, detachment, bliss at the higher state.
All is, ultimately, God's thought experience of apparent separation from unity tending to re-mergence. So there is no complete satisfaction at any vibrational level except that of conscious reunion with the One.
Centre your aspiration on Me. I will help you to realise it, apparently separate from you, till you come to a vibrational level where you realise and ultimately experience that all that was, is and ever will be - is Me.
You See, there is no need to worry. It holds you down. Why fear when I am here? Be blessed, Embodiment of love. 18.12.91
Let things take their course. Be in the present, enjoy each moment, whatever it may bring. Have no fear when I am here. On the material level, all that you need will be manifested to you, at the proper moment, without rush or prior to its need. There is no hurry. Be calm. Let everything unfold. Do not go to see a play thinking only about the next scene, so that you cannot appreciate the author and actors' skill in this one. Let your life be that way, too. It is a question of confirming your faith and affirming that I, not ego, rule in you. Ego is anxious and impatient, I am joyful and open to each moment that I create.
The crucial thing is: learn to take a little moment before each action, each set of actions, to be fully present for those actions. Whatever you do, be present for it in that moment. For instance, if you are moving seaweed to the gardens from a heap, where is heaven? Heaven does not lie in the completion of the job. That happens at the end - to anticipate it detracts from the present moment. Nor does it lie in the purpose of the job, in this case to fertilise the ground. That may be the reason for doing it. Nor does it lie in the appreciation your hard work may bring. That is irrelevant if the purpose is right and only increases your dependence on others' opinions. Heaven lies in the movement of the fork, lifting the seaweed onto the barrow, finding the next part of the heap to move, wheeling the barrow to the chosen garden bed, tipping the barrow out, and returning with the unladen barrow to the pile. Heaven is the full awareness of the quality of this experience, giving total attention to it, mindfully. The 'trick' is that the quality of the experience lies not in the experience but in your attitude to it. By practising 'full awareness' of the present moment as your key to the source of happiness, you are hardly able to avoid realising that the source of the happiness is Me.
As you manage this, do not be afraid, not merely to dedicate the acts to me, but to invoke that I, not you, am the doer. Thus, God, not you lifts the seaweed, moves the barrow, empties it on the garden and returns with it to the pile. At first this may seem artificial, even presumptuous, but that is only because of the ego's false modesty. Dare to do it, practice it, and gradually you become one brilliant divine action in creation. That is beyond heaven itself.
Now, extend this method beyond sea weeding, to everything you do. Ignore whether you like doing it or not. That is irrelevant. But when you have decided to do something, follow the sequence - right motivation; experience the present action; be God doing it. Life is nothing but bliss, an expression of the Great Love and you are home.
Do not condemn yourself if all this does not happen at once. Set it as your intention, bring yourself back to it, change by loving and accepting yourself. But do not be complacent of your inadequacy. If it takes a million attempts, do not give up, do not get impatient with yourself. You are getting there. I am with you till we are one, and I am always loving you, never condemning.
Be blessed, Embodiment of love. (7.2.92)
Keeping the House Clean.
I am your teacher, in everyone. Be aware that I fear no one, am angry with no one, accept everyone in compassion and unconditional love. For everyone is Myself, and all the trials and tribulations they seem to go through are the struggles of emerging consciousness. As your consciousness develops, hold on to Me when you seem lost in the swirls and eddies of feelings and 'difficult' interactions. Know that your teacher and guide in the way forward is the other, in whom I am presenting Myself to show you what needs to be transcended, so you can be more and more who you are. Through My name, its remembering and repetition, you leave the level of pain and suffering and emerge into the sunshine of purer consciousness.
If you want to clean a house, you don't lie down on the floor with the dirt and roll in it. Nor do you pretend it isn't there. You stand up and take a brush. You are on a different level than the dirt. Then it easily goes into the dust pan or vacuum. Standing up, is remembering Me. The brush is repeating My name. As the dirt obscures the cleanliness of the floor, so your egoism obscures the perfection of your nature. I am the transformer of energy, I will dispose of the dirt so it is effectively recycled. Through the repetition of My name, the essential nature of who you are begins to shine through and, of course, you are then a joy filled being, even in times of tragedy.
The main task is to establish that this is the right way of doing things and to put it steadily and constantly into practice. Then your being will be effortlessly itself, clean and pure. In keeping a house clean, it helps if you don't let dirt into it. Otherwise you have to be constantly cleaning. Regular prayer, meditation and Bhajan are the doorkeepers that don't let dirt into your being, so that it is easy to remove what is there. Use them well, and the cleaning up process will be easier.
Something perfect but obscured is different from something that needs constructing, or expanding. What is wanted is already present. Spiritual growth is really a misnomer. What grows is the ability to see the truth, to overcome the obscurity, and to live the truth in an ordinary daily life. In that way, without having the slightest stake invested in it, you will have a massive effect on the world around you. It is in fact easy, your natural state. Resistance makes it hard. Feel My love for you, personal yet unconditional. Surrender to it, and you are already home. Let 'Om Sai Ram' be on your lips, in your thoughts, return to it as soon as your realise you have left it. Then you are coasting down the last straight!
Embodiment of love, know and feel My love and blessings. (13.4.92)
Some Writings By Or About Sai Baba.
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